I woke up a couple hours ago to an empty house and that. I scribbled pretty damn hard on myself because my skin is all red and scratched up. And then there's that yellowish bruise at my wrist, like something grabbed hold of it and squeezed really tight. Which is of course disconcerting seeing as I've not really been near any other people for a few days.

Well, I go out I just don't...interact. Too much hassle because I don't want to talk to anyone, they seem distant and irritating. It's like I think because they can't help me with...with my problem, I have no use in talking to them. It's a waste of time really, at least that's how my mind is processing it. The only person I've ever really had a conversation about what's going on is Lee and she's

She's not here anymore. She's not dead, I mean she's just not really...She's not all here. She's been institutionalised, in a psychiatric unit in Orphington. I haven't been to see her though because I'm

I'm not comfortable with going somewhere like that. For fear of the future. That might be me soon. Granted, it might be safer but going via the fact He can probably be anywhere at any time it's a bit of a....stupid idea.

God, I've been scrubbing at the pen on my arm but it's just making it look more red and raw. Another test really isn't it. Test to see what control he has over me.

This is really the last straw, I'm leaving before He realises and before He can do anything worse. He's already made my best friend go mental and try to

well

not tried to. She killed her neighbours dog, hacked it up and then just sort of...

First she went missing about a week ago and I honestly thought she was dead, but then she turns up out of the blue, sitting next to the dead dog.

It doesn't matter. It's not gonna save her now really is it? Best not to think about it at all. Not until the right time, it's too much to get your head around all this. Orphington is a long way away to go right now, it would put too much strain on my family, they've been noticing my...self isolation. They try to understand, it's hard for kids when they loose friends and have their school broken into by someone who seemingly wants them and their friend.

My mum is really scared. She got told all about the break in and the defiled photos of Lee and I. She thinks I'm going crazy as well, she keeps trying to cohurst me into going back to Almere. Even if it's just for the holidays but...I don't really want to. As much as it kills me to say it, I want to to stay at home right now. I shouldn't because it might get me

It might be bad for me.

To be perfectly honest, there's not much that's good for me right now. Apart from running away.

I've always wondered, when you've run to all the places you can...where do you go?

If He followed you to every single place on the planet, where could you hide after that.

Because He can be everywhere and he can be there whenever He wants.

Once again, it's not like he plays by our rules.

I can't reiterate that enough.

He doesn't play fair.

I've been on my toes this whole time. Vigilance is hard for me, I get distracted and...well sans my regular upbeat nature. It's annoying, down right...irritating. The sense of His encroaching...presence. Pisses me off and makes me so damn riled up. I wanna just go scream at him but he's distancing himself. If I'm walking through town he won't come up to me, like he did before; rather, he'll just stand in an alley and watch. head twitching from side to side in that horrible manner it always does. When he approached me that time in the Police station, he was testing me. He was seeing how far he could push me, scare me. He's trying to get into my head...

And it's working.

It's like he's wormed his way into my mind and is pulling all the strings. God he's trying to make me follow him, be one of his puppets.

I sat for four hours staring at the window. Productive I know. But then I kind of just...stopped. Like, my brain shut down like a computer or something. It was a sort of awake sleep paralysis, except I could actually move. And I did. It was kinda like being pulled by something and at first it was gentle and I could see the front of my top rucking up like there was a,

Don't laugh,

invisible hand. God, if anyone would have seen me it must have looked like I was crazy or something.

And then it got kinda violent, and it was yanking at me and I couldn't get the door open quickly enough and it....He was outside and just watching. All the time just watching as it happened and for a moment I could hear Him and he was laughing at me. And then it stopped and I scrambled up quickly and managed to draw the curtains and yeah, I guess I wanted to peek out but I just couldn't face looking at his...well, his face. If you can call it that. Even without any features that staring it just...pierces into you. I can't stand it. I can't.

I broke down after that and spent the rest of the day hitting my head against the wall I was leaning on and I guess I must have just...passed out.

I think it's time I stop just talking about leaving and just go. Christmas is out the way so I won't need to worry about ruining it for my family.

Lee.

That's another problem.

She's missing.

It's all my fault.

Fuck, I really have to stop writing, something is knocking against my window and I hope to god it's a tree and not...you-know-who.

Also for anyone who tried on the Solstace.

I'm so fucking sorry it didn't work.

We're all fucking sorry.