Saturday 9 April 2011

My laptop is so fucking messed up.

I'm having so much trouble posting and the person who keeps emailing never shows when I go to meet them.

I'm losing hope and I just

They say they can tell me things. Give me a place to stay.

I don't trust them entirely.

I've heard about these...Proxies or whatever they're called, I'm so suspicious but that's a good thing right?
WHy would I WANt to trust anyone but myself? Nobody is coming forward to help me, the police do shit all and although I've actually got a room in a shitty drive by hotel, I don't feel safe.

When was the last time I felt safe?

I don't even remember.

I just want somebody to help me. I need human contact...

If you're in the Boston area email me.


I can't seem to bring myself to travel further than Boston.

I spent a while near my family's old house and the stump and it made me so upset that I curled up for hours and just lay there in a puddle of my own tears.

People mostly ignore me but...

No, nobody really even sees me anymore.
But it's for the best.

If they can't see me. Then they can;t get involved and nobody gets hurt...apart from me. But it's not like I'm important in the whole scheme of things, you know?

Hopefully this person...Whatever they keep calling themselves, Markle; they are at least trying to reach out to me.

...One human being to another.

I hope they're human.

God I really do.

Tuesday 1 March 2011

I'm sorry I haven't posted much recently. But can you really blame me, it's not like I have been in the best...position. Along with that, my laptop was having some problems. I'm not going to jump to any conclusions but,

No. You know what, it's all His fault. I was browsing some forums when, BAM, static screaming at me on my already crackly speakers. You would have laughed if you saw how much I jumped out of my seat in Starbucks. People were doing that irritating,


thing of staring at me.

I guess I've become accustomed to it though, I seem to always be embarrassing myself in front of the general public. But, if it's a choice between making a fool of myself and not dying. I think the choice is pretty fucking obvious. I'm sat there afterwards just staring at my laptop screen which is like...yellow bars and it looks like the screen is completely messed up, I don't really know what to do about it...

I'm in an Apple store updating right now.

I hate places where people can see me type, it...worries me I guess. Having people see how neurotic I've become is not something I really enjoy and right now I probably look like shit. 

I threw away my phone, I don't really need it anyway and it was just ringing constantly and it wouldn't stop and it made my head hurt for days. I've decided I'm not moving for a while though, it seems clear where I am right now, suburban, lots of people around. He doesn't appear much when I have about fifty people crowding round me in a high street. I stay away from Alley ways, especially at night. I use bus stops and roofs, sometimes libraries, to sleep in and...It's alright.

I kind of miss my bed.

But I might have a place to stay for a while, a house. I got a tip off, someone emailed me and said they wanted to meet me, they live around the Boston area and so they're going to travel down and I'm going to meet them,

meet them...I'm

I want to trust them because that's all I want right now, trust.

I'm going to take my camera...I tell myself it's because I just want to document it but it's also because I want people out there to believe me.

Believe me.

And then maybe they'll help.

Wednesday 2 February 2011

I need to be quick because I'm in a McDonalds using their Cloud wifi and I've been here for a good three hours, I think they want me to leave now.

The video I uploaded was uploaded because I needed to show you, because right now I feel like no one believes me apart from a few select people. Why would anyone believe what I'm saying though? it's utter madness and I acknowledge that completely and I'm feeling that madness

It's like it's scraping away inside of me, chiseling all my innards down so I', left with just the primal instincts humans first had. My first thoughts are always, shelter and then protection. But I can feel Him in here as well, He wants me to go again.

Last night He found me and I managed to scramble up from the door way I was sitting in and run after Him. He ran and I felt like I had to catch Him. Maybe to try and prove he wasn't real and just a man or...Part of me wanted to simply just go. I've mentioned before how I want to.

I've learnt one thing from when I pursued him, it's not major but it creeped me out none the less. His hands...he doesn't really have them. At least I don't think he did. They were these horrible lumps of flesh and they weren't really all there, sort of just a grey haze and they slipped around my right wrist and bruised it terribly. I's why I had bruises all over my arm when I was still at home.

He got in. He must have.

His hand was tugging at me and I felt like it was like I was comforted and yet being ripped away from reality at the same time.

I really need to go.

I'm thinking too much about Him.

Thursday 27 January 2011

I reached Boston but it took a while, I had to stop a lot of times and I kept passing out from lack of sleep.

My phone's been getting texts non-stop as well, and voice messages...from

from mum.

I don't really want to listen to them right now because I know I'll start crying...

I'm safe for a night with my uncle though, he never talks to mum and I just told him I was visiting and that I need to get off tomorrow because I'm going to an art convention up north. He believed me.

Starting to think humans are as stupid as they come.


I don't know why I wrote that.

The only voice message I listened to wasn't what I expected it to be. At first it was just static but then it slid into a sort of dripping noise, and it got louder. I had it on speaker phone so luckily I didn't break my ear drum when the static started to whine really loudly.

It stopped.

Then it descended into a laugh.

It was awful. It was Him and he was laughing at me, it was a mixture between a man laugh and childs giggle all distorted like something was terribly wrong with it.

At least I worked out what the numbers that first appeared on me when I woke up in the park back home, after going to the station.

If you rearange them, you get my phone number.

Might burn my phone...or just throw it away. But then someone might find it and it will just be another person being tormented by Him, Him.

A massive cycle that you just can't get out of.

That laugh, it's stuck inside my head and god, I just can't get it out.

Ijust wnat Him Outt fof MY HeAD

Friday 21 January 2011

I'm alive.

Don't worry, I'm fine. Well actually...fine might not be the right word right now but, it'll be fine. Soon.

I had some problems getting further up the country, and now I'm nearing Boston where I'm going to stay in my uncle's house for a night.

But only one night, I can't afford to stay any longer and I tried sleeping in libraries. They found me and kicked me out. Then I tried department stores but I got too scared and had spent the night wondering if I was safe in there...I was on the third floor and I had managed to find the camping department.

God, I was so fucking scared, you have no idea, I kept seeing shapes outside the tent and I didn't know...and still don't, if they were Him or something else.

That was a few days ago in Ipswich. And after that it was all clear for a while...I mean, I got a nosebleed on the train and I had to go sit with a bunch of strangers because,

Well He had found me again.

It's just the way he stares, it just chills me to the pit of my stomach. Not to mention I haven't had a proper sleep for what seems like ages.

The horrible thing about when He found me on the train was...I nearly went.


It's getting worse. The whole...'going with Him' thing, I can feel myself slipping when I see Him. Falling into some sort of terrible emotion that's a mixture between terror and want.

Not....not that kind of want, just want for Him to

You know.

Take me away.

No. I can't think about it. That won't make it go away or make it any better, I just need to keep on moving and it'll all be fine.

But it's coming closer.

God, it's closer.

In Norwich I woke up in a small wooded area and had to walk ten miles back to the city, my backpack was fine...everything was fine but, the numbers are back. With charcoal this time, no scratches thank god.

I cried so hard when I woke up, It's the second time I've woken up outside and it's just plain awful. But this time...I had moved, I feel asleep in a bus stop. I remember that. I remember it.

The numbers were pretty much everywhere and I may have missed a few but so far I have,

9, 8, 69, 14, 21, another 8, 5, 19, 96, another 69, 55, another 14 and another 8 again.

I'm still not sure what the last set of numbers meant but...

I'll probably never find out what they mean

The trek back through the woods was a good time for some thinking, and I managed to work out that,

those numbers are to do with my birthday.

And my age of course.

Has He....always been following me?

Or...god, maybe Lee told Him or...

I really need to go, my laptop is running out and I need to wait till I get to Boston to do a new post.

I'm sorry.

I'll try not to die.

No promises though.