I've been on my toes this whole time. Vigilance is hard for me, I get distracted and...well sans my regular upbeat nature. It's annoying, down right...irritating. The sense of His encroaching...presence. Pisses me off and makes me so damn riled up. I wanna just go scream at him but he's distancing himself. If I'm walking through town he won't come up to me, like he did before; rather, he'll just stand in an alley and watch. head twitching from side to side in that horrible manner it always does. When he approached me that time in the Police station, he was testing me. He was seeing how far he could push me, scare me. He's trying to get into my head...

And it's working.

It's like he's wormed his way into my mind and is pulling all the strings. God he's trying to make me follow him, be one of his puppets.

I sat for four hours staring at the window. Productive I know. But then I kind of just...stopped. Like, my brain shut down like a computer or something. It was a sort of awake sleep paralysis, except I could actually move. And I did. It was kinda like being pulled by something and at first it was gentle and I could see the front of my top rucking up like there was a,

Don't laugh,

invisible hand. God, if anyone would have seen me it must have looked like I was crazy or something.

And then it got kinda violent, and it was yanking at me and I couldn't get the door open quickly enough and it....He was outside and just watching. All the time just watching as it happened and for a moment I could hear Him and he was laughing at me. And then it stopped and I scrambled up quickly and managed to draw the curtains and yeah, I guess I wanted to peek out but I just couldn't face looking at his...well, his face. If you can call it that. Even without any features that staring it just...pierces into you. I can't stand it. I can't.

I broke down after that and spent the rest of the day hitting my head against the wall I was leaning on and I guess I must have just...passed out.

I think it's time I stop just talking about leaving and just go. Christmas is out the way so I won't need to worry about ruining it for my family.

Lee.

That's another problem.

She's missing.

It's all my fault.

Fuck, I really have to stop writing, something is knocking against my window and I hope to god it's a tree and not...you-know-who.

Also for anyone who tried on the Solstace.

I'm so fucking sorry it didn't work.

We're all fucking sorry.